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6.12.03



For the past several months, all I've been focused on has been graduating from school. But I realized today that by focusing on the excitement of finally obtaining my college degree, I've been putting those scary "what the hell am i going to do?" thoughts out of my mind. School has obviously been an integral part of my entire existence for as long as I can remember. I mean, we're talking about the culmination of a 16 1/2 year process.

So I'm not really sure what I'm going to do without school centering my world. I've never been great at organizing my life without school. Which is why I tend to fuck off over the summers and spend as much, if not more, money than I actually make (while somehow managing to pay my rent). But rent won't be a problem since I'm gonna be living with my parents. I'm actually not as worried about that as I should be.

I've been thinking a lot about jobs, and I keep coming back to this idea of working at the restaurant that I used to work at when I took the semester off when I was 19. They need another bartender, and luckily, I qualify. But part of me thinks that I might just want to work there because Justin does, and that if I worked there I could throw my presence in his face and make him see what he missed out on. The other part of me knows that I still have a lot of friends that work there and that at minimum I could be making $20/hour. Which would be nice. But I don't know. I feel a little immature for wanting to work there.

And I need a real job too. My dad is supposedly working his connections on that front, but I'm still a little worried about it. Who knew that graduating from college could be so much pressure?

This might be the most spoiled thing I've ever said, but I really hope my gift from my grandmother is enough to make some of my woes go away. A shopping trip would really lift my spirits. I think I just went from introspective to completely shallow, but oh well, females are allowed to have mood swings.

posted by Lauren@ 11:44 PM

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