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troubles in the best friend department

Lately my best friend and I haven't been speaking. We didn't get into a fight or anything, we just haven't been talking that much. In the past year so many things have changed for both of us. She got together with her boyfriend about a year ago, rekindled a friendship with a girl we were both friends with in high school (but that I don't really have an interest in being more than acquaintances with), I graduated from college, I moved back here, her parents moved an hour and a half away from here. But her boyfriend and the aforementioned friend live only about a half hour away from here, and she spends the majority of her time with one of them. Or, I should say, the majority of her nights. My problem with all of this is that in the month that I've been home I've seen her twice. Once was to genuinely hang out. We went to the mall, saw a movie, had a really good time. Forget the fact that she cancelled twice before we finally hung out. The second time I picked her up at her car dealership when her car was being serviced and we hung out for a few hours at my house until I had to leave for work. I didn't speak to her again until this week, when I told her I had the flu. All my other friends called to see how I was doing later in the week, but she didn't. I know, this is making her sound like a bad friend. But she's not. Or at least she hasn't been in the past.

I don't really know what to do. That's not totally true. I wrote her half an email about it, then deleted it before sending it after deciding that it was rude to email her about it before really trying to talk to her about it. The truth is that maybe I'm overreacting, and I believe that writing letters to people when they've hurt you should be the last resort, only to be used when no other method of communicating with them has worked. So I called and left her a message to call me when she got the message, but that I wanted to talk to her about something. I'll try not to factor in the speed with which she calls me back into my evaluation of the situation.

I'm really frustrated by all of this. I don't know if perhaps my expectations were too high, that I was wrong to just assume that we would spend a lot of time together now that I've moved home. That's always been the case previous to this, but then again that was always when I was home for Spring Break or a weekend or something. We haven't truly lived in the same state since our senior year of high school, 5 years ago. Maybe no one's adjusted to the situation yet. When I lived in DC, she was always telling me how she was hanging out with her boyfriend or the other girl pretty much all the time. Am I wrong to want to steal away some of her time every once in a while? I don't think so, but maybe she's just not thinking about it that way.

I guess the bottom line is, I don't think she's doing this on purpose. Which is maybe worse than if she was. If she's not doing this on purpose, then she's just not really thinking about it, and maybe we've grown apart more than I'd like to admit. Some drift is inevitable in all friendships, I know this. But I don't totally understand why this drift happened now, after our friendship had survived four years of separation during college. Now that we're physically closer to each other, we're emotionally much farther apart.

posted by Lauren@ 9:56 PM


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